Consequences of a Guilty Love
by Evagnelina Cavarillo
Summary: When a Dalish keeper loses the only thing she has left, how will she cope? Filled with guilt and rage she's drowning in despair and everyone's in her wake. Will her guilt drive her to do the unthinkable or will she suffer in silence as Warden Commander? Flashbacks of DAO set in Awakening. T for language and mild sexual content, will change later. OCWarden/Alistair
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Hi guys! It's me, Sydney, well obviously. My other story that I started quite a few months ago has done nothing but draw up blanks for me right now, so I'm going to discontinue it just for now. I had a sleepover with a friend awhile ago and I thought up this idea and to me it's absolutely fabulous and I love it because yeah! It's late and I stayed up just to post the first chapter tonight because I have ideas for the second and all the way to the end but I need other Dragon Age fans advice. A good writer always takes other's advice. I'm absolutely positive there are probably a few typos and mistakes with tenses but I'm in the midst of looking for a beta, (if you know any good betas please PM me) and I really just wanted to get this chapter up and see how you guys like it. I'd really appreciate a rate and review just to see what you think so far! I will edit chapters if you guys want me to add something or take something out. I really appreciate it! I love you guys. Feel free to PM or review if you have questions or request.**_

Disclaimer: Bioware owns all characters and storylines from Origins and Awakening. I have added my own touches and my own OC Warden because she fits with the story a little bit better.

_Chapter One: Weight Off of My Weary Shoulders_

I sat there; pacing back and forth, my heart distraught with anger and worry. The statue of Alistair to be placed at the entrance of Vigils Keep was all wrong. It was terrible and tore my heart into a million pieces. The hair was wrong, the laugh lines were misplaced and worst of all his face was depicted seriously. Alistair Theirin was never serious, even when he had to be. He hated feeling weak; he felt the need to protect everyone; me on the top of his list.

I heard the knock at the door and the sculptor opened my door and came in with a smile on his face. He thought it was right. He bowed at the waist to me, his hand crossed across his chest and I stood, my hands gripping the table. The anger boiled through my veins. Well maybe it was anger, I can't be sure.

"Commander of the Grey, the statue is nearly complete. Do you fair well with how it's been coming along?" He sat down in the chair across from my desk, his smile making my body cringe.

"Well, I wouldn't say fair well, sir," My smirk causing his body to press into the back of the chair.

"I'm so sorry, ser! May I ask what is wrong with it?"

"Have you ever met Alistair? Had a conversation with him?" The sculptor shook his head and I snapped, knocking my desk on the floor, papers and drawings going everywhere. "That's why it's all wrong! You don't know Alistair...didn't know him..." My voice cracked and I continue. "Alistair was the greatest most selfless and quirky man you could ever know. He had an obsession with his hair and always talked about cheese. When he kissed me..." I blushed and touched my fingers to my lips; my heart aching to hold him and kiss my love again.

"Commander I'm sorry I didn't," I cut him off with a swish of my hand.

"Alistair was a happy man. Through everything he's gone through he was my…our rock. We all protected everyone like one big family. Your statue is wrong. Alistair was never straight faced. He was either laughing or frowning or smiling for no apparent reason. How _dare _you shame his memory that way! Get out and fix it! Want a hundred sovereigns?! Take it! Just get the hell out of my office and FIX it!" I lifted him from his chair by his collar and through him on the ground. He scuttled out, tripping over his feet and I slammed the door behind him. I fell to the floor in a heap, sobs ripping from my chest.

"Commander?" Nathaniel Howe knocked on my door. I stood, wiped my eyes and sniffled before opening it. "Are you alright, Delenie?"

I laughed a little bit before breaking down into a fit full of gut wrenching sobs again. "Do I look okay?"

Nathaniel opened his mouth to speak but realized that no words he said would replace the pain I was feeling. In helpless retreat his arms encircled me and pulled me to his chest. His dark hair tickled the back of my neck that was exposed by my hair parting as it cascaded into curtains around my face. His large, calloused hands rubbed my back in a soothing circular motion.

During the past six months I've become rather close to all the Wardens under my command at Vigils Keep. Velanna, Anders, Oghren and even Sigrun; sometimes even Justice, but only when Anders strength is low and Justice can pass through the veil. But out of all of the Wardens, Nathaniel is my dearest friend. From the beginning we hit it off. Well not the first time we met seeing that he was locked in the dungeons and I had killed his father three months prior; about a week before the fall of the Archdemon...and the death of my beloved.

Nathaniel had been drunk and wandered into the larder by accident and seen me balling over a wheel of aged cheese. It was actually quite a pitiful sight, but Nathaniel did nothing but sat next to me and cried over the wheel of cheese as well. We've been open and close with each other ever since. He was like the brother I never had.

After the tears stopped, Nathaniel lifted me and entered my bedroom from the door in my office. He placed me on my unmade bed and pulled the covers over me, tucking me snuggly into bed. The warmth I felt from the fire lulled me to sleep and soon I rested my sore eyes.

I woke to the sun shining in through my thin red silk curtains. It was later in the morning than when I usually get up but I'm sure Nathaniel has given the guards strict rules to let me sleep. I climbed out of my bed and wrapped the velvet robe around myself. I stepped into my office to see Nathaniel hunched over my desk; drooling on the maps and snoring. I pulled on the gear to lean back the chair. I then gently leaned him back and tossed a quilt over him.

I made my way quietly out of the room, and warned the guards posted at the doors to allow Nathaniel to sleep. I hugged my robe tighter around me as I made my way to the dining room. I was met with sympathetic stares from my Wardens and Varel. The elven servant made her way into the larder to fetch me a plate. I sat in the large cushioned chair at the edge of the long table. Nevara placed my plate in front of me then curtsied and left. Oghren was the first to look away, and it was only because he fell backwards in his chair from laughter. I looked up from my plate with my mouth full and everyone laughed.

"Andraste's tits, Commander! You eat like a pregnant nug!" Oghren's beard quivered as he spoke in between fits of laughing and I swallowed and started laughing too.

"At least I don't smell like a pregnant nug...Oghren!" I winked at him and everyone stopped laughing as Oghren got up on the table, ran towards me and tackled me out if my chair. Food went everywhere, landing in Velanna's long, curly blonde hair. She screamed, laughed, screamed then cussed at Oghren. Anders stood picking eggs out of her hair.

Oghren and I were rolling around on the floor, laughing hysterically. I yanked his beard and he pulled my hair. I punched him in the jaw and he punched me in my breast. I turned over so I was on top, my knee hovering right above his groin. "Oops!" I slammed my knee down and his breath whistled out of his lungs. I laughed and stood up as he rolled around in agony. I stood over him shaking my hands above my head in supposed victory as Oghren lifted his leg and kicked me right in my groin. I fell over, my hands between my legs.

"Well, I'd call this a tie. I mean both parties are both incapacitated at the moment," Sigrun laughed and clasped her hand around mine, pulling me to my feet. I reached for Oghren and helped him up.

"Until next time, you filthy nug!" I laughed and ran back towards my office, laughing at the obscene things Oghren shouted after me. When I opened the door, Nathaniel was just waking up and rubbing his eyes. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Hey. Is there food downstairs?" He stood up and stretched, heading for the door. I nodded and sat down in my desk. Nathaniel had done most of my work for me last night. He went over the roster for the new recruits. He sent Sigrun with the new recruits to go gather the vials of darkspawn blood. The ritual was going to take place later this evening so the recruits must be resting for the agony they will face. He's paid the dwarven contractors to start rebuilding Vigils Keep, led by Voldrik Glavonak. There was one thing that caught my eye though.

Sitting under the stack of papers was Flemeth's real grimoire. I had meant to give it to Morrigan after the demise of her mother, but she had hurried off after my decision to not partake in her ritual. Nathaniel had bookmarked a certain page and I opened to it. It was written in Dalish, my native tongue. Not only was this ancient blood magic, it was barbaric. You had to summon a demon, obtain a vial of royal blood...and for what? I continued reading. "_To bring back a loved one who was torn from the caster in demise." _

My heart stopped. Nathaniel wants to bring Alistair back...or maybe his dad—though Alistair is a lot more likely. I couldn't believe my eyes. This is magic from back during the Tevinter Imperium. Nathaniel entered the room and cussed at my discovery. I looked up at him, my eyes filled with tears.

"Delenie, listen...I just hate..." Nathaniel placed his hand on my bare shoulder and I shushed him.

"My problem is that I'm so tempted. I'm keeper...or I was of my clan. I am Delenithra Nuvenhairel and I am skilled in these ancient magics. I'm the damned Hero of Ferelden. How can I let my people down?" I buried my face in my hands and cried.

"Delenie, you lost the one thing besides your clan you've ever cared about. You deserve, after everything you've done for Ferelden-hell, even Thedas, you deserve to have him back." He squeezed my shoulder as Velanna entered the room, shutting the door.

"Commander, I will help you with this. We can combine our powers so we don't have to kill an innocent person to send you into the Fade. You've lost our clan and your family for what—a title? I can relate. You deserve this." Velanna placed her hand on Nathaniel's back. "Nathaniel and I agreed that we will use half of his life source for this. Anders will be present to heal him. Delenie, we need our commander. You're the alpha to our pack; mother to our family."

I looked down at my hands. Could I do it? Risk Nathaniel's life and everything I worked for—

Alistair and I worked for—to bring him back? I'd be a maleficarum. An apostate who would soon be an abomination. Or so the Chantry thought I would. Keepers are immune to the draw from demons reaching for a bridge into the real world. We can allow them in, but we are immune to the demonic song. "I need to think about this. There's a lot sitting on my shoulders that I need to consider." I ushered them out of the room and slammed the door, my breathing hitching sharply. I opened up the drawer to my desk and pulled out Alistair's locket and the dead rose he had picked from Lothering.

**I looked over to Alistair who was bent over, his hands on his knees, splitting up blood. I took this chance to pull out my staff. I ran towards the Archdemon, fully prepared to make the final blow; the ultimate sacrifice. My heart ached as Alistair looked at me in horror. His large hands wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back.**

**"Delenie, please don't. I am the senior Grey Warden here. This is my job." Alistair's blood drenched hands rested on my cheeks and tears fell from both our eyes.**

**"You are Ferelden's king. You cannot leave your people behind. This is my job. I have nothing left for me after this. Alistair, I love you. You will be a great king." My voice cracked and my lips quivered. I leaned up onto my toes and placed a tear soaked kiss on his lips, then turned to make the final blow.**

**"Rebuild the Wardens. Do what you do best and lead Ferelden and Thedas to greatness, Delenithra," Alistair placed his mother's locket in my palm and ran off before I could stop him.**

**"Alistair!" I fell to my knees in defeat as I watched Alistair force his blade through the skull of the Archdemon. A year of fighting this and it was all over. Exhaustion and despair took over and everything went dark.**

I should've been the one to die, not Alistair. He never would have had to make this decision. He'd never even have the choice and now it's left on my shoulders. There's only yes and no. I can't take it back—whatever the choice is. My fingers clutched the locket as my eyes skimmed over the ritual.

"I found this ritual in the journal of an old Dalish keeper, before the Tevinter's killed Andraste.

For this ritual I will need a pass into the fade, blood magic or large amounts of lyrium.

I will need to summon a desire demon; it must be a desire demon for they look into the deepest wants and desires.

I needed the blood of a royal, for that is what the demon asked for. I feel that it may change depending on the demon.

The demon will need to be allowed into the world through the fade.

Next I had to place an item of the deceased into the palm of the demon's hand as they stood over the deceased grave.

The demon said some nonsense I paid absolutely no attention to.

I had to dig up the body and clean and clothe it, but within a few hours there was a pulse and slight breathing.

It took three whole days for the body to come back to complete consciousness.

This ritual is…slightly disturbing in the fact that"

The page was ripped after that. My heart ached in knowing that in three whole days I could see Alistair again. I could hold his calloused hands that were much larger than mine. I could kiss his full lips and look into his deep hazel eyes. I could feel his lips and his tongue all over my body, his body reconnecting with mine in the most intimate ways. Most of all I missed sleeping next to him, curling up close to his body, my head in the crook of his shoulder. His light snoring always was like a lullaby to me. This time there would be no urgent impending doom looming over our heads, keeping us from enjoying our love. We could finally be together.

There was also the fact that Alistair would be extremely angry with me when he figured out what happened. Alistair was a Templar, even if he hadn't taken his vows, he still believed in the Templar ways. Knowing that I made a deal with a demon, the very thing he wanted to protect the world from, he would be hurt and feel he was responsible. I would of course tell him because I love him, but how would he react?

Could we work this entire thing out? Would Alistair and I go back to the way we were; or better? I couldn't be sure if I didn't try. I stood from the desk and blew out the candle before walking into the next room and climbing into bed. Tomorrow was going to be a big day, and I had to be completely and utterly focused.

The sunlight shone brightly through the crimson curtains, a ray coming in through a small crack, shining directly on my eyes. I turned over and sat over, taking a deep breath. I climbed out of bed and opened my door, sending the guards to fetch me Nevara with some water for a bath. After they both left, running quickly of course, I picked out what I would wear today. I chose a deep burgundy floor length gown. It cut low in the front with a deep but squared off neckline. It tied in the front with black laces, delicately draped over white lace. The sleeves were similar and long.

I took my hair out of my braid just as Nevara came in with other maids, all carrying large pails of water to fill up my bathtub. I used a spell to light a fire underneath it and heat the water, then started to mix in lavender and vanilla bath salts and Rose petals. The maids left with a curtsy and I smiled at them before undressing from my night clothes. I crawled into the wonderfully hot water and sank in up to my chin. The bath salts tingled on my cracked skin and smoothed it with ease. The heat relaxed my tight muscles and I leaned my head back on the edge of the tub.

After the fire had gone out, the water was starting to cool and that was my cue to start finishing up. I took the halla milk soap off of the ledge and started to soap up my various appendages. My legs, my feet, my hair, my breasts, underarms, and last but not least the apex of my thighs. I scrubbed it lightly, feeling the heat raise in my lower belly. I closed my eyes and pictured Alistair lying here in the tub with me, doing this for me instead. I heard a knock at the door and I stopped, leaning my head back into the water to rinse out the soap.

"Come in!" I stood and clambered out of the bath, wrapping myself in my thick velvet robe. Velanna opened the door with a smile on her face, her hair down, wrapped in her robe and came in carrying some breakfast. There was sausage, eggs, bread, and of course cheese; Alistair's favourite. Behind her Nevara entered carrying another tray with assortments of fruit and drinks. She bowed, placed it on my bedside table and left, closing the door. "Good morning, Vel."

"I thought you would be hungry, you'll need your strength for today," She winked at me. Her blonde waves fell around her shoulder as she placed the tray in my hands and obnoxiously lay down on my large bed.

"How did you know I was going to agree?" I sat next to her and started to scoop sausage and eggs onto my bread, then a few slices of cheese. I took a bite and groaned in satisfaction, continuing to eat, but faster and less mannerly.

"It was obvious. Nathaniel doubted it greatly when he came to…When we left last night. When you're in love with someone, you can pretend to be strong and let them go, but you know in your heart you'd jump at any possible chance to make them yours again, no matter what the sacrifices are," Velanna smiled up at me, her dimples in her cheeks indenting deeply, showing that her smile was real and it met her eyes. She looked over at the dress hanging from my wardrobe and laughed a hearty giggle. "Dressing up I see? I leave you too it, and eat _**all**_ of that." Velanna crawled off the bed and left the room.

I finished eating the food that would be an insane amount to anyone else, but it was just enough. The Taint flowing in my veins increased my appetite because it used large amounts of stamina to sustain your life force. I drank down the water and milk; then the tea and even the orange juice. I led myself into the powder room and used the bathroom before beginning to brush out my unruly hair. As I was leaving I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My dark green eyes had a flint of amber to them and they were warmer than they have been for the last two months. There was hope flowing through them and they were as inviting as they used to be.

The boring colour tint of grey that had hit my vibrant mahogany hair has faded and I was left with the long mahogany curls once again. They hung down past my breasts to about the midway of my back and were loose flowing ringlets. My tanned skin showed a hint of colour, no longer haunted by the sickly shade of despair that hid behind the tanned caramel colour of my face. There was pink in my cheeks, under the tattoo on the side of my face. The tattoo was dark brown; vines and leaves wrapping around the left side of my face, circling my eye. My lips were fuller and pinker than I've seen them in a while. Their plump shape was tugged up by a smile and my white teeth peeked behind my thick upper lip. I was finally me again, not the sickly young Dalish elf that had lost the last thing she cared about. I was the vibrant and beautiful Hero of Ferelden, getting back the last thing she had left in the world.

I danced out of the bathroom, humming to a tune I remembered as a kid about love, loss and love rebirthed. I dropped my robe on the floor and dance around in absolutely nothing. I opened the curtains and let the sun in, listening to the birds chirping and the Silver Order training in the courtyard. Nathaniel was down there with them, sparring with a very hung-over Oghren. I opened the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of my small clothes, pulling on the strapless slip. Grabbing the burgundy gown, I pulled it over my head and tied it up tight in the front, my breasts peeking out the top of it. I stepped into a pair of golden coloured flats and danced my way out of my room. I passed the guards on the way down and pulled one of them into a dance. He laughed, his blue eyes crinkling at the corner as he spun me around and led me out the door into the courtyard.

"Good morning, Vigils Keep!" I threw my arms up above my head and laughed. The knights and guards looked at me, as did the Warden recruits and my fellow Wardens.

"Not very commander-like, miss," The guard I had been dancing with whispered into my ear before turning and re-entering the house to again man his post.

"Has she gone crazy? I heard the Warden Commander was some crazy bitch…" There was a deep voice whispering a little too loudly to be inconspicuous. I looked to where the voice came from and saw a tall pale human man, skinny, with dark hair and light eyes. He had a bow and quiver strung over his back and was wearing thief's armour. "Oh shit, she's looking right at me."

"You, right there. The scrawny one; yes you! What's your name?" I hitched up my skirts and walked towards him.

"Tis Crischan, Miss. I mean Commander. I mean Miss Commander!" His voice was shaky and nervous. He bowed with his arm crossed over his stomach. Nathaniel broke out laughing and Oghren was already a step ahead of him, rolling on the ground.

"The bloody kid is going to piss himself! Andraste's knickers! I can't believe that filthy pile of nug shit just insulted the commander!" Oghren was clutching at his chest, tears rolling down his cheeks. He was kicking his legs frantically, kicking up dirt off the ground of the courtyard. Abruptly his stopped and grabbed his stomach. "I think I'm going to be sick." He lay there completely still then let out the most disgusting burp I've ever heard. "Nope, just gas."

Nathaniel started to laugh again and boy was his laugh contagious. Soon the whole Silver Order was laughing. The dwarven masons were laughing, dropping their hammers and the stones they were caring. Velanna was laughing so hard she was crying; her face buried in Anders' knee who was also laughing hysterically. Sigrun sat there confused, then started laughing to. The other Warden recruits started laughing and soon, I was laughing too. I patted the sassy Warden, Crischan on the back and walked over to Nathaniel, throwing my arms around his neck. He hugged me and his hearty chortles warmed my heart. It's been a long while since anyone has felt safe enough to laugh around me. I opened my mouth to thank Nathaniel.

"You're welcome," He whispered before letting me go and taking a good look at me. I was walking around without my staff and I was wearing a dress. "This is a good sign, Del. You're really starting to open up."

"Hey Nathaniel, I've always wondered; How did you know I was ever different. I could've always just been a heartless bitch," I looked up at him and saw a smile tug at his mouth.

"Oghren told us a lot of stories about who you were when you were fighting the Blight. Also, you had to have heard the songs by the bard. Ah, what's her name, ah yes; Leliana. Sings beautifully, I'd like to meet her. Oghren told us about the fun times you and him had, going to taverns, getting drunk then playing pranks on the nobles," Nathaniel continued talking. "He told us that you guys really bonded because you were both kind of the outcasts in the group. He was a dwarven warrior who never left Orzammar and you were a Dalish keeper who knew nothing of the human world. He said he was the only person besides Alistair that you opened up too. Then I remember he downed a glass of ale and started crying and said, 'She's my only real friend! We've got to do something to make her feel better!'"

"So that's why you did this?" I looked over at Oghren who was waving at me like an idiot and pointing to Sigrun and making hip thrusts at her. I chuckled.

"That and I remember how mad I was when I heard you killed my father and were taking our estate. I was mad because you killed him. You, not anyone else, you; I could handle that, knowing who to blame for it but you, you had no one to blame. Ferelden killed Alistair. It was his duty to slay the Archdemon because he had to save his country of Ferelden. You couldn't hold a grudge against all of Ferelden so you held it against yourself which wasn't right either," Nathaniel placed his hand on the back of my neck, under my hair. "For all you've done for Thedas, you deserve to be happy."

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I never quite understood why I blamed myself so, but you cleared it up for me." I smiled at him and for once the smile met my eyes. He leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead. "Thank you for all of this."

"I'll see you tonight in the crypt. I need to eat and rest. We will have everything ready for you, I promise," Nathaniel released me and left.

"Commander, can you tell us about what defeating the Blight was like?" A young elven woman looked over at me and you could see that she was obviously an elf of the city. Her clothes were ragged and dirty; she had yet to change I see. The Dales wore exquisite armour and clothing, patterned and embroidered with jewels and drawings of the Gods and Goddesses or like the Sylvans. Her ears were rounded, probably by force. My ears pointed sharply out of my mass of curls. I had many earrings trailing down them; my favourite one was the golden earring Zevran had given to me.

"Of course, lethallan. Sit, sit and I'll start from the beginning." I sat on a rock and they all looked up at me with interest. I felt like the Harel of a clan, the storyteller. I had innocent eyes looking up at me; well innocent to war. "I was the keeper of a clan way up in the Frostback Mountains. There I was Delenithra Nuvenhairel. Here I'm just Delenie or Del to my friends." I chuckled at the memories of Zevran that brought back. "My clan was beautiful, absolutely wonderful. It was large and we had very little conflict."

**I sat on the large trunk of a fallen Sylvan and held my staff tightly in my hand, looking down at its exquisite patterns. The essence of natural power ran through it and I could feel it deep down in my veins. A carving of an owl with its outstretched wings sat on the top of it, with expertly carved veins decorating the dark wood. I looked down at my clothing, tugging on a string that was loose. I wore a long fitting slender gown of the deepest colour of emerald. It was silky and had loose fitting sleeves that reached my wrists. It covered most of my tattoos, except for the vines on my face and the detailed pattern that covered my whole left arm and hand. Over the gown I had a black Great Bear skin draped over my shoulders to keep me warm from the colder night air.**

**My clan gathered around the fire as Harel Cevenal got ready to tell a story. They had food in their laps; roasted Great Bear, bark of a Sylvan, and assortments of fruits native to the cold climate of the Frostback Mountains. The children all wore long pants or skirts made out of animal skins with shirts of the same or silk. The women wore long dresses made out of furs and the men wore pants and shirts made out of the same. We used the hides for our boots and insulated them with the cotton-like material you find on dying flowers. The weapons were all put away at this point and this was a safe place at night. Stories and food, then rest and play; this was how simple our life was.**

**I protected my clan with my life and gave them all that I had, but there had been something drawing near and I just couldn't figure out what it was. All I knew was that it was dangerous. I didn't want to cause a mass panic, but I couldn't put my clan in danger. So I had set out on my own to find out what it was. My First, keeper recruit, Tailana had tried to follow me but I sent her back to the camp with strict orders to protect the clan and if I were to not come back, do not come looking for me. She asked why repeatedly but I just held my hand out and shushed her, before grabbing a pack of dried fruits and meats, along with poultices and creams, then leaving. I headed out to Orzammar to speak to King Aeducan about the threats from the Deep Roads.**

**About halfway to Orzammar's gates I was attacked by a band of darkspawn and my magic itself wasn't enough to hold them off. I couldn't kill them by myself, even with the amount of willpower and magic I held. I was close to dead as they closed in on me but I was lucky enough to be rescued by a passing shemlen man. He easily dispatched the group of darkspawn and picked up my weak body, carrying me off to his camp. I must have been unconscious by then because I remember nothing of the walk back.**

**When I awoke the next morning I was wrapped in a blanket and inside a tent, the sun shining through the thin canvas roof. I was still dressed in my attire, clothes a bit caked with mud and blood, but other than that in good condition. I left the tent and saw the man from the night before sitting around a fire, roasting a medium sized rat over the small fire. It was an unusually warm morning but the moment sent shivers down my spine. He looked up at me and smiled, his dark eyes peering into mine and I got a good look at my rescuer.**

**The man had dark hair that was pulled back at the nape of his neck with a length of rope. He had two daggers sheathed at his back, dressed in a simple silver breastplate and a pair of long pants with a skirt like garment over them, something I couldn't quite remember the name of. His silver gauntlets at his side on the log, he gestured to another log next to him and I noticed the cracked skin of his hands. **

"**Good morning, Miss." He took the rat off of the fire and held it out to me. I reached for the hairless animal, tugging a back leg off, ripping it perfectly at the spot where tenderloin met the spine. I smiled and did the same with the opposite leg and we sat there in silence eating for a few minutes. I glanced over at him looking at his hands where a crack had ripped open and was bleeding profusely. "Your pack is other there along with your bear hide." He gestured over to the side of the tent. I stood and went over there, pulling out a glass bottle of a homemade cream remedy the healers in my clan made for me. He glanced at me with confusion as I reached for his hands. I poured the sweet smelling cream on his hands and started to rub it in. The bleeding crack clotted and his hands glistened with smoothness. I handed him the bottle and he shook his head, but I insisted.**

"**For saving me I say ma serannas." I smiled at him and he blushed and nodded. "If you put that on your hands until the bottle is empty, your hands will heal in no time."**

"**Well thank you. My name is Duncan," Duncan bowed at me and I shook my head and he looked confused.**

"**Please do not do that, Duncan. I may be keeper, but we do not keep ranks. Everyone is equal. I am Delenithra Nuvenhairel. I'm keeper of my clan." I smiled warmly at him. "How far are we from Orzammar?" **

"**Orzammar? Oh no, we're near Redcliffe. You weren't heading towards Orzammar. You were about four miles out of Redcliffe when they attacked you. They must have had an emissary and a scout following you and cast confusion hexes on you." Duncan looked upset and sympathetic.**

"**No! That can't be it! I have to get back to my clan! They need me. Especially now with the threat of darkspawn," I stood up and started pacing around muttering in Dalish to myself.**

"**Delenithra, I don't wish to upset you, but last night there was a raid on Orzammar. Darkspawn were coming out of every chasm that led to the Deep Roads. I wouldn't be surprised if your clan didn't survive. This isn't just a fluke accident. This is a true blight. I was on my way to Redcliffe from the Hinterlands and Ostagar when I sensed them." He placed his large hand on my shoulder. **

"**You're wrong! They're okay. They have to be okay. You're just a shemlen! You don't understand the might of the Dalish." I grabbed my pack and started to leave.**

"**Listen, we can send a search party to find them when we return to Ostagar. I want you to become a Grey Warden. You can get revenge on the darkspawn who killed your clan." He just came right out and said it and I turned to him.**

"**A Grey Warden? I've heard of their great vigilance and strength." I looked down at my boot clad feet.**

"**Yes. If you survive the joining you will be a Warden. We need as many as we can get to defeat the blight." Duncan's eyes were pleading with me desperately.**

"**I agree. But after the blight is defeated, we will find my clan. Promise me that." I looked at Duncan and he nodded.**

**It took a week's trip to get back to Ostagar after stopping in Redcliffe and finding no worthy recruits. Ostagar was a beautiful and ancient ruin that was once a great fortress…or so I was told. It was bustling with activity; mages and knights, preachers and healers. This was more activity than I'd ever been used too and it made me anxious. We had entered the fortress and Duncan led me to a tent that would be mine. He told me where I could clean up and wash my clothes. So I did just that. I wandered to a river, far down stream where I wouldn't be spotted and undressed out of my gown. I washed my boots and my gown, even my bear hide. Then hung it on a tree over a fire I started with a simple spell. The sun was going down and it was chilly, but the water was still warm from the hot afternoon sun. I waded into the water shoulder deep and felt the current massage my tense and sore muscles. I used my hands to scrub away the blood that was coating my skin from my battle with the darkspawn and washed my hair free of any debris that got caught in my mass of curls. After getting out and drying off, I dressed, my clothes dry and clean, put out the fire and wandered back to the camp where the smell of meats and roasted vegetables filled the air. I was starving. I met Daveth and Sir Jory, the two other recruits. Daveth was a cut purse from Denerim and Sir Jory was knight from the arling of Highever. **

**We ate and everyone wandered off back to their tents to sleep. I had a long day and was ready for a good night's sleep.**

**I awoke to the arguing between Daveth and Jory standing in front of my tent. Daveth was being scolded by Jory for trying to bed a female King's knight and was now being reprimanded by Loghain. I exited the tent and the two stopped arguing and looked at me. They hadn't seen me in the light and had no idea I was a Dalish elf. I scowled at them in utter annoyance and went on my way to find Duncan. As I left I heard Daveth whisper, "Who stuck a stick up her ass?"**

"**Good morning, Delenithra, how did you sleep?" Duncan held out his hand and I grabbed it in a confused manner and then he started to shake it. I pulled back quickly and shot him a look. "I forgot. That's called a handshake. It's a standard human greeting."**

"**I see. My apologies then, Duncan, I thought you were trying to rip my arm off for a second. You have such weird cultures; especially the touching." I looked down at my feet as a blush rose in my cheeks. He chortled halfheartedly. **

"**We have to start the Joining tonight, so if you could go and meet our other warden, Alistair, we could get everything started. You'll probably find him fooling around over by the old sanctuary." Duncan smiled his halfhearted and sad smile at me before turning on his heel and leaving. My insight tells me that there is something he's not telling us but I just don't what it could be.**

**I made my way towards the old sanctuary after having a very pleasant conversation with an elderly mage from the Ferelden tower named Wynne. She was a quiet and pleasant old woman and for a shemlen, I respected her wisdom of the arts of magic. She was a healer and a very powerful one at that. It was positively enchanting, the conversation I had with her. Finally I made my way into the old sanctuary and was looking for this Alistair. All I could hear was arguing. Intrigued, I made my way up there to see what was going on.**

"**We will not take any more insults from the Chantry's dogs!" There was a shemlen mage standing there yelling at a young man, probably in his early twenties. **

"**Oh, so now I'm a chantry dog? Wow. I was sent by the Revered Mother to deliver a message!" The young man stomped his foot like a child.**

"**Well you've insulted me and trust me, I'll be sure to bring this up to Duncan!" The man walked passed me and pushed me out of the way. "Get out of my way, wench."**

"**Wench? Excuse me, you do not know me." I grabbed the man by his arm and twisted it behind his head. "You will learn your place. You are no better than anyone else here and you're a disgrace to the Circle of Magi if you act that way. I have half a mind to rip your arm off, but I won't because then you'd be no use against the darkspawn. Apologize to this young man and to me and be on your way, sir." He was shaking and looked at me.**

"**Yes of course, miss. I'm sorry and I'm sorry to him too. Please let me go." He looked up at me and I released his arm, causing him to sprint away full speed.**

"**My my, a girl that can handle herself and is quite beautiful, please tell me I'm not dreaming." The man fanned his hand in front of his face and then sighed and went serious again. "Please tell me you're not a mage."**

"**I am, just not in the sense that you're thinking of. Don't worry; I'm not here to antagonize you." I smiled at him and he blushed.**

"**I'm Alistair, a pleasure to meet you, Miss…" He paused and waited for me to speak my name.**

"**Delenithra Nuvenhairel." I spoke and then spoke again, "But you can call me Delenie." Alistair held out his hand and I look it and then there began the shaking of the hands. His hands were rough and calloused and gripped mine tightly, but it was comforting. It was much friendlier than Duncan's handshakes, whose hands were shaky with nervousness. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me.**

"**Ah, that's right. You must be the recruit with great potential he told me about last night. Well, welcome aboard!" Alistair smiled at me and his lips pulled back to show bright white teeth. His eyes, which were hazel and gold crinkled at the corners. His light brown/blonde hair was up in a peculiar hair style I didn't quite understand nor could explain. It was held up with something. He was taller than I was and broader. He wasn't overweight but he had a broad chest and thick arms. He was handsome; I can say that for sure. The most handsome man I have ever seen in my life. His smile just kind of made you heart melt. "Well, we should probably go meet up with Duncan and prepare for the joining."**

"**We probably should do that. I'm eager to get all of these secrets out of the way." I walked next to him, looking down at my feet. My hair hung over my right shoulder and I occasionally looked over to him and smiled. I usually smiled because of the ridiculous facial expressions he would make at me when I caught him looking at me. **

"**If you wouldn't mind me asking, how did Duncan find you? He told me you were a Dalish keeper from the Frostback Mountains and he found you at Redcliffe. What would you be doing that far away from home?" "Alistair slowed his pace to a slow walk and looked at me, truly excited to hear the tale.**

"**I had a bad feeling that there was danger and I left my First in charge while I went on my way to talk to King Aeducan about and possible dangers he knew about. Duncan told me I had probably been followed by a scout and emissary who probably casted a hex of confusion on me which led me the complete wrong way and to Redcliffe. That's where I was overwhelmed by darkspawn and Duncan rescued me. I agreed to become a Grey Warden if he sent out a search party to find my clan." I looked down at my hands, my long fingers wiggling.**

"**I'm so sorry, Delenie. I'm sure they're okay. I've heard and read many things about the strength of the Dalish." Alistair patted my shoulder as we neared the Grey Warden camp in the middle of Ostagar. There waited Duncan, Daveth, and Jory. "Duncan."**

"**Ah, I see that she finally found you. If you're done antagonizing the Circle, Alistair, I'd like to get the joining under way." Duncan shot an annoyed but loving glance Alistair's way. "I will be sending you four into the Korcari Wilds to obtain three vials of darkspawn blood and to find three ancient treaties."**

"**The Wilds; you want to send us into the Korcari Wilds?! There are Chasind folk in there!" Daveth's voice shot to a higher pitched in fear and anguish.**

"**I will be sending Alistair with you for the simple reason that he can sense the darkspawn. You will be safe, I swear it." Duncan pointed over towards a gate. "That is the way you will leave, see you all soon."**

**We left and wandered our way into the Korcari Wilds. According to Alistair it was infested with darkspawn and he explained to us that that was because they were making a stand against the darkspawn tomorrow. It was supposed to be the final battle that will end the blight where the Archdemon should show itself. That was why Duncan needed us, so that we'd know when they started coming. There was small chit chat here and there, and Daveth's many comments about how a girl with such a nice ass as mine could be so mean and scary because of my magic wielding. Alistair and Jory laughed. We had two vials of darkspawn blood by then and we were getting close to the spot on the map where Duncan had marked where the Grey Warden cache would be. A few darkspawn attacked us there and we received the last vial of blood before entering the ruined tower. There sat the cache, crushed and broken open.**

"**Well that's just great! They aren't even here!" Alistair kicked a rock and pouted about the lack of the treaties.**

"**Stop, who are you and why are you trespassing in my wilds?" Before the broken cache stood a shemlen mage, her raven black hair pulled back. She was dressed in assortments of fur patches and feathers, her white milky skin greatly exposed. Daveth and Jory stared.**

"**Your wilds? These are the Korcari Wilds. We came to this tower to find these treaties, but they are no longer here." I gestured to the broken chest.**

"**Tis a tower no longer, now is it? Why have you come to disturb something that has not been for so long?" The mage stepped down from the rocks where she stood and stepped towards me.**

"**She's the Witch of the Wilds! That's who she is, I tell you! She's going to turn us all into toads!" Daveth screamed.**

"**Stay away from us, witch!" Alistair unsheathed his blade.**

"**What, are you afraid bandits are going to come swooping out of the trees?" The lady laughed at Alistair, Jory, and Daveth's fearful expressions.**

"**Yes, swooping is bad." Alistair's eyes narrowed.**

"**You do not frighten like little boys. Tell me your name and why you're here and I'll tell you mine." She took another step towards me.**

"**My name is Delenithra, nice to meet you. I'm here because the Grey Warden treaties were here and we were sent to find them." I kept my green eyes locked on her charcoal ones.**

"**Ah, a polite introduction even in such a ghastly place. I am Morrigan, and as you see these treaties are here no longer." Morrigan walked around us, inspecting us.**

"**She's toying with us, let's just go." Alistair tugged my arm and I shrugged him off.**

"**Morrigan, do you know where they are?" I turned to question her.**

"**My mother has them, I can take you to her." Morrigan smiled a creepy smile.**

"**Then take us please, we'd appreciate it." I smiled back at her wearily and gestured for the three men to follow. **

To be continued….soon!

A/N: Rate and Review and tell me what you thought! Thank you.

PS: Anyone else hear about possible Cullen romancing in DA3? Yummy! ;)


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: I know it's an early update, next day to be exact, but I'd like to keep you guys hooked on the story. As the summary states, this story will be rated T for slight language and mild sexual content. In later chapters that will be moved up to an M rating for violent language, detailed sexual content, and other sexy thing I haven't quite thought up yet. If you like fluff, it will be good. I promise. In the last chapter you met Delenithra, learned about the ritual and it ended right up to the meeting Morrigan, right before you go meet Flemeth! Woo! Flemeth, Witch of the Wilds, scary old bat lady! I'm just kidding, Flemeth is actually pretty cool. Especially in Dragon Age II. This chapter might be a tad bit shorter than the first but not by much. I'm trying to keep every chapter at around seven thousand (7,000) to eight thousand (8,000) words. If it takes me a while to update after this chapter it's not because I'm abandoning it, it's because I have school tomorrow and school is so boring I have writer's block. Thanks to all of you who are taking the time to read my fan-fiction and please rate and review! Please PM me if you have any questions. Love you guys, Sydney.**_

_**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all characters and storylines except for Delenithra and the Warden recruits. Bioware is totally BA and I wish I could create video games half as good as they can. **_

_**(PS: I didn't specify this in the first chapter, which I should have but when writing is like this **_it's in present tense, set in awakening. _**But when it is in bold like this **_**it's flashbacks to Dragon Age: Origins. **_**This story may also be a bit AU in some parts, like Sigrun doesn't leave and either does Anders or Velanna. Nor does Varel die. In this story, the Commander saves Amaranthine but didn't send any guards or soldiers to outlying establishments so Vigils Keep was in okay shape. They are still in the midst of rebuilding after the fall of the Mother.)**_

_Chapter Two: You're One of Us Now, Kid_

"So you're saying that you actually met the Witch of the Wilds?" The young elven women questioned me with quite an interest for my tale.

"Oh yes! She was quite a woman. Even a bit frightening, if I don't say so myself," I smiled down at the women and the men. "If you don't mind my asking, recruit, what is your name?"

"Halena, Commander." Halena looked down at her hands, obviously intimidated by my high rank and presence. She was not used to being spoken to so politely.

"Halena, here you are family. You do not need to call me Commander if this is not a formal meeting. Call me Delenie. I know nothing of what the Alienage is like where you are from, but I know you are not treated very well there. Don't feel demeaned by any presence of another," I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she smiled appreciatively at me.

"Thank you, Delenie." Halena nodded at me and went back to listening.

"Can we hear about the meeting of Flemeth now?" Crischan, the sassy recruit from before, asked me with a tone of disgust and annoyance. I rolled my eyes at his impatience and continued on with my tale of the blight.

**Morrigan led us quite a way back to the border of the Hinterlands and the road leading to the ruins of Ostagar. It was quite a long walk and the men were on their guard around the mysterious Chasind mage who had appeared just moments before. I was quite taken with her knowledge of the Wilds and asked her many questions about the herbs and such and she was delighted to answer, clearly flattered by an outsiders admiration of her wisdoms. She led us to a small hut in a clearing, surrounded by a small pond of muddy water. There stood an elderly lady, her hair grayed and her face wrinkled in old age.**

"**Mother, I have brought to you four Grey Wardens who are here searching for those treaties." Morrigan took her place next to her mother and spoke politely to her, as if intimidated by her presence.**

"**I'm not blind, daughter. I can see who you have brought," The lady scolded Morrigan harshly and caused her to blush and avert her gaze to a stone she kicked with her feet. "You are looking for the treaties? Take them."**

"**Why do you have them? You've stolen them from the tower!" Alistair scolded and accused the woman. She just brushed it off in annoyance and handed me the treaties.**

"**No, young boy, I have protected them from the wear and tear of the Wilds harsh environment." The woman took a step towards him and he stepped a few steps back. "You, does your elven mind give you an insight to what these scared men can't see?"**

"**I see that you are an old but wise woman who has protected these treaties, and with that I say ma serannas." I bowed at the woman with thanks and she smiled.**

"**Ma nuvenin, lethallan." Morrigan's mother repeated to me in Dalish. "Now Morrigan, escort these young Wardens back to the gates of Ostagar and quickly come home. We have much to do to prepare for the upcoming battle."**

"**Yes mother." Morrigan gestured for us to follow her down the path. It wasn't a very long walk back to the gate and she quickly left us, running off into the cover of trees.**

"**Well, that was easier than I expected. My joining preparation was not quite as exciting. Anyways, we should probably get back to Duncan and get this show on the road." Alistair smiled warmly at me before leading the way back to the Grey Warden camp. There stood Duncan, speaking with one of the king's knights. He turned and acknowledged us, bid the knight good day, and gathered the supplies from Alistair. "Take them to the temple, where we will begin the joining."**

"And that is where I stop for right now, recruits." I stood up and stretched, my bones in my back cracking and my shoulders popping.

"What?! You haven't even gotten to the joining yet." Crischan glared up at me before standing and pointing a finger at my chest. "This is a bunch of bullshit isn't it? You're lying to us. None of this ever really happened the way you said it did, did it?"

"Mr. I'm So Much Better Than Everyone Else, you can believe what you wish, but you know that this is all true, for you have heard the song sung from the bard who accompanied me and the tales of all of those who have met me," I patted him on the head, messing up his hair before turning and walking away.

"You really shouldn't insult the Commander like that, you jerk. She really is a remarkable woman," I heard Halena's voice rise over the quiet whispering of the group of recruits.

"Why not? She's nothing but a disgusting abomination and an elf at that," Crischan turned on his heel, running smack into Nathaniel.

"Excuse me? What did you say about Delenie?" Nathaniel's voice was angry, something that rarely ever happened.

"I didn't say anything about her. I apologize. She's a wonderful lady!" Crischan cowered from Nathaniel's glare.

"You know not of what she's done or what she's lost, and before you go insulting her, you will learn that before making opinions," Nathaniel knocked his body to the ground and kicked dirt on him. He turned on his heel before turning back and spitting directly in his eye. "Piece of shit."

I laughed as I made my way back into Vigils Keep. The sun was high in the sky, showing that it was about midafternoon. I made my way into the kitchen where the chef was hard at work, cooking a massive amount of food big enough to feed six Grey Wardens, whose appetites were already large enough as it is, plus the knights, guards, recruits, and other staff on shift. Here in this big fortress, we were all one big family. We took care of one another and worked hard to meet everyone's needs. Though today was a hard day seeing that I had the Banns from all over Amaranthine coming to the throne room to give me gifts and tell me of the situations from the surviving darkspawn. This was stressful for I wish I could help everyone, but I could not. I only had so many guards to dispatch.

I ate what was being served; potato and cheese soup along with various pieces of fruits and vegetables. It was one of the meals we ate on a regular basis while traveling around Ferelden trying to aid everyone in the Blight. It made me thing of Alistair and how everything that was plain and grey made him happy because it's what they served in the Chantry, but on the rare occasions that we would have enough coin to purchase food to make a decent meal, he would be ecstatic. Sometimes Alistair would even jump up after dinner and dance around. He even sang, not well of course, about the delicious flavors that were coating his tongue.

Those were good memories. When we would take a break from all of our traveling and battling and stay at an inn that was located in the various villages we were in. We would drink, eat until our bellies were content, and then laugh and sing all night. We would sleep in until we could sleep anymore and then eat again. The inn in Denerim was probably one of my greatest memories I could ever remember that involve being in the same room with Alistair. We were all drunk as a dwarf in Orzammar, especially Oghren, and we were sitting around a table singing and Alistair was dancing with Zevran. These moments were the only moments the two boys were not fighting.

"**Lalalala! Something about a wench who was very fickle! She smelled like a pickle and was always on her back!" Zevran's voice cracked at the last note and we all laughed obnoxiously. Oghren was banging on the table, Leliana lying in the floor rolling around, clutching at her chest, and even Morrigan was laughing as much as she can. We weren't on guard anymore. Sten stood at the top of the staircase, looking at us with a bemused but serious expression on his face. We were all dressed in comfortable clothing, the women dresses and the men comfortable pants with unbuttoned shirts. Many of the girls in the tavern were looking at the handsome boys; Alistair, Oghren, and Zevran. Our weapons were up in our room, the only thing we were wielding was large cups of ale and the laughter in our chests. Leliana stood and asked one of the women working at the tavern to dance; this is when the rest of our party figured out her romantic preference of women. I had known this already after realizing her various attempts to flirt with me, but they figured it out after the redheaded bard had taken the women upstairs into her room and we later heard the screaming moans of pleasure coming through the floor.**

"**Well, I never thought that about our little Chantry sister, but hey! She gets more women than Alistair ever has!" Oghren slammed his hand on the table and we all started laughing, causing Alistair to blush a violent red. I wrapped an arm around his waist and continued laughing.**

"**Hey Alistair," My voice slurred, caused by severe inebriation, "You're still a lot prettier than she is!" I placed a wet sloppy kiss on his cheek and he blushed even brighter. The whole group broke into a laughing fit again.**

"**Delenie, you wench, dance with me!" Oghren jumped out of his chair and grabbed my hands spinning us around in circles. "Lalalala! One, two three, oh one two three, that's how many steps I have to take so I don't fall. I'm so drunk!" **

**I laughed and danced with Oghren as I saw Zevran take Alistair's hand and lead him over to the bar. Zevran was speaking to Alistair with a sly look on his face and Alistair was shaking his head, repeatedly saying no. It was obvious that Zevran was trying to convince our innocent Templar to do something he didn't want to, but Alistair was impressionable. With just the right amount of pushing, you could break him into doing absolutely anything. Zevran handed Alistair two mugs of ale and jerked his head towards me. Alistair shook his head, cussed something at Zevran; who laughed of course, and started to walk towards me.**

"**May I uh, what's that word, uh, well…ah yes! May I cut in?" Alistair's voice was shaky and nervous but he spoke with pride.**

"**Yes you can, but I'll be taking these," Oghren grabbed the two mugs of ale and went back to the table. Alistair took one of my hands and placed his other on my waist. I did the same but placed my right hand on his shoulder and we danced around in silence to the melody coming from the gentle mouth of the bards. Zevran was throwing silvers at them yelling at the girl to take her clothes off, just like Zevran does. **

"**Those drinks were for us, sorry." Alistair looked down at his clumsy feet. "If I step on your feet, I'm sincerely sorry. It's because I'm nervous and I have two left feet and I never learned how to dance and I just…" Alistair swallowed hard, "Never mind."**

"**You just what?" I whispered in his ear and he just shook his head. "Alistair, we're a family here. You can tell me anything." I pulled back to look into his eyes and he stopped spinning and just looked into his eyes. It was gold and emerald, the most beautiful combination eyes could ever make.**

"**Maker's breath, are you beautiful…" Alistair tucked a strand of mahogany hair behind my long pierced ears. "I just feel so tongue tied around you. Your beauty is like, I don't even know. I can't compare your beauty to anything that is of this world because there is nothing that even closely resembles it. You're the only light in this darkness right now. I never thought I could feel this way about anyone before, but I feel this pull towards you. At first I thought it was just the taint but now I realize it's something more. I've never been drawn to any other Warden before. You're just so beautiful and I want to tell you exactly how I feel and I want to show you, but I'm all hands and I'm all tongue tied words and I just…"**

**I leaned up on my toes to press my lips to his. I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the lack of sleep giving me this courage but I felt it surging through my veins. My arms lifted to wrap around his neck and I closed my eyes and kept my lips pressed firmly to his. Alistair was shocked into place for a few seconds and a glance from Zevran that caused him to loosen up and wrap his arms around my waist and close his eyes. He let his body melt into mine and I felt something I've never felt before. My heart was beating at twice times its normal rate, which is already fast enough because of the taint. I thought I was going to explode. His lips left an electrifying current that shocked all of my nerves into submission and my body fell into his. I can't even recollect how long this kiss must have laughed but it's the only time I've ever really felt the safety of being wrapped in someone else's arms. I let all my worries come out into this kiss. **

I pressed my fingers to my lips and smiled, a few tears slipping from my eyes. Memories like that only happen once in your lifetime and sometimes they don't even happen. I was lucky to have moments like that every week with Alistair. He was quirky and sometimes a bit to cliché but it was my favourite thing about him. I always had fun when I was around Alistair, even if we were in the most dangerous of situations. He made light of everything we did by either teasing Morrigan or making fun of Oghren's stench. Sometimes he just talked about cheese, and I loved it. I loved everything about him.

After finishing lunch, I took my leave into the throne room. Still dressed in my gown, Seneschal Varel and the Banns from all over Amaranthine looked at me with surprise. They weren't used to seeing me dressed so nicely, as I usually went to these things dressed in my armour. I smiled at Varel and sat in my seat waiting for the first person to rise and speak to me.

"This is the Guard Captain of Amaranthine; he would like to speak to you about training new guard recruits." Varel whispered in my ear and waved the Captain forward.

"Commander, many of the guards were lost in the siege at Amaranthine and we need to begin training immediately. If you could spare a few of your guards to help in the training, we could move along much quicker." He bowed his head at me.

"Of course you may. As Arlessa and Commander my job is to protect my people as best as I can. Take a knight of the Silver Order and one of my own personal guards to come with you right now. Their expertise will help you along greatly. If you are in need of more, please do not hesitate to send word," I glanced at my guard Gregory and at one of the knights by the name of Connor and gestured towards the Captain. "You two, pack up your belongings and head with the Captain back to Amaranthine. You are to return when you finish training recruits."

"Yes, Commander." The two left their posts and followed the Captain and his guards out of the throne room.

"Next is a qunari male by the name of Sten. He would like to request a spot in your order." Varel gave Sten permission to come forward. In front of me stood a dear friend of mine; tall and built—a normal qunari—he was one of my men who helped me defeat the blight.

"Good afternoon, Commander, I see…" Sten's deep voice sounded in my ear and I stood, cutting him off with a tight hug. Surprised, everyone gasped except for Sten. He kept his composure and wrapped his large arms around me and squeezed me tight.

"You don't even have to ask, Sten. You know you're always welcome among the Wardens." I pulled away from him and grasped my composure, smoothing my dress and pulling my long hair over my shoulder. Sten smiled his signature smile, it pulled at one corner of his mouth slightly, but his smile was all in his eyes. "You can go right outside and meet with the other recruits. Oh, and if you meet a recruit by the name of Crischan, make sure to scare the life out of him."

"Will do, Commander, will do." Sten bowed and took his leave.

"That will conclude this meeting today. The Commander has a busy night ahead of her and needs all the rest she can get so she is perfectly composed. You're all dismissed." Varel shooed them with a flick of his wrist and they all left. I stood and ran off into the kitchen and pulled out our collection of cookies and put those on a platter, bringing them out to Sten. Cookies were his favourite thing about Ferelden.

"**Sten, you're always in such a bad mood. You need to live a little; have all the whores at the brothel and eat cookies," Zevran spoke to Sten as we sat around the fire eating potato soup. His thick Antivan accent made the whole conversations sound a tad bit more inappropriate than was meant to. Zev thought he was giving Sten honest advice, but we all knew Sten didn't understand it.**

"**I don't understand what you're saying. What are whores and what are cookies?" Sten's voice had a deep questioning and confused tone to his usual monotone voice.**

"**Ah, my friend, this is why you are so boring! You don't understand the wonders of the world!" Zevran stood up and ran into his tent, pulling out his cookies from his pouch. "These, my friend, are cookies. They are delicious pastries made out of flower and sugar and chocolate." He handed one to Sten and he looked at it with disgust before taking a bite.**

"**Oh my, this is delicious. Why is this simple pastry so simply delicious?" Sten finished the cookie and grabbed the rest of them from Zevran, eating them quickly, not stopping to savor the flavour. "I'm kind of excited to find out what whores taste like now."**

**That's when we all stopped eating and got really quiet. Sten just continued eating his cookies and was really confused when I burst out in a painful laughing fit of laughter. Following my lead, Alistair, Zevran, Leliana, and of course Oghren and even Morrigan started laughing hysterically. Sten paid no attention to the hysterics that were ripping from our heaving chests. I fell off of the log I was sitting on and tried to grab onto Alistair to catch myself, but he fell back too and landed on top of me which caused us to all laugh harder. By the time we were done laughing all of us were out of breath and our stomachs hurt terribly. Trying to compose ourselves, we all sat back down and tried to catch our breaths.**

"**Why was that so funny? Do whores taste bad or something?" Sten looked at us in complete confusion and the laughing fits started again. **

I carried the cookies out to the courtyard where Sten was standing, watching knights' and the recruits' conversations with one another. I tapped him on the back and he turned, looking down at the platter I was holding in my hands. He looked down at me and smiled, taking one cookie and nibbling on it. I pushed it towards him and his smile grew bigger, reaching his eyes with an obvious glimmer. He took the platter and handed me a cookie, sitting down before starting to eat them.

"It's really great to have you here, Sten." I gave him an awkward one armed hug before pulling back. "It's been awfully lonely around here."

"I don't know how. This place seems to be mighty crowded and full of excitement." Sten looked at me, his mouth full of cookie.

"Everyone is so on their guard around me, kind of like you were when you first joined our group." I took another cookie and nibbled on it. "Now you're a lot more open with me than you are with most people, but they, they just won't change. It's like they're afraid of me."

"It's because they know what you've gone through. You've done the unthinkable, lost everything you ever had just to protect Thedas. They don't know what to say or how to act around you. You're their hero, their superior." Sten looked over at me and smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "How have you been doing anyways? Since, you know…"

"It's been hard, Sten. We went through this whole Blight thing together and it seems like everyone has just forgot about him. Alistair is the real hero. He made the final sacrifice that ended the blight. It wasn't me." I threw my arms up in exasperation. "I'm so sick of this 'Hero of Ferelden' title! I'm not a hero. I'm a Grey Warden. I did what I was supposed to do. It was my duty. I didn't do it for the honor. I did it because it was the only way I would find my clan and I didn't find them alive."

"You are a lot of people's hero, Delenie. You rose up, as an elf—a Dalish elf at that—and showed that you have more honor than most humans have to this very day. They used to reprimand you and insult you on a daily basis and you showed them that you are just like anyone else; possible of greatness." Sten took my hands in his. "You are our hero. Not because you defeated the blight, not because you are a Grey Warden—you are our hero because you showed us that in the most desperate of situations there is hope that someone will rise to greatness to end the despair."

"Sten, when did you become such a poet?" I smiled, wiping away the tears that were escaping from my flooding eyelids. "Thank you. I really needed that." I threw my arms around his neck before standing up. "I have to go prepare for your joining. I'll meet you and the other recruits at the sanctuary at dusk."

Dusk came and I prepared for the Joining ritual. In the silver gauntlet I poured in the blood of the darkspawn vials and a drop of Archdemon blood into it. The liquid sizzled like it boiled and I could sense the taint running through it. Nathaniel, Sigrun, Oghren, Velanna and Anders led the recruits into the room and up to the altar where I sat the gauntlet. Sten was at the front of the group.

"Before we start, we will say a few words that were said at their ritual and the joining's that went on before them." I grasped the cup in my hand and looked down into it before starting to speak. "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you.*****" I sat the cup back down and looked up at the recruits. There was fear in a few of their eyes and I nodded at my wardens who stood barring the door. "You can't back out now." I held out my hand and gestured towards Halena. "Halena, come forward." She stepped forward and I handed her the cup. I nodded as she lifted the silver cup to her lips and took a single sip of the mixture. I grabbed the cup from her as her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed to the floor. The recruits gasped.

"She will live." Varel had checked her pulse and I could sense the taint flowing in her veins already. Her body was trying to fight it off but as it mutated her cells, her body accepted it.

"Crischan, come forward." I held out my hand and he rolled his eyes at me, grabbing the cup and taking a sip. His eyes rolled back, he screamed and he started to cough up the darkspawn blood. His body seized and hit the floor. "I'm sorry, you were too weak." I continued with the joining. Three more had died. A thief from Amaranthine named Coro, a banns daughter named Elena, and the son of a powerful merchant named Dame. Six had survived, including Sten. The survivors were; Halena, Damien, Gregory, Misha, Zane and Sten. I gathered the blood from the dead and filled up five amulets for the survivors. They were taken to their quarters to rest, each one with a Warden's Oath placed around their necks. The bodies were cleaned up by Varel and his associates, the blood scrubbed up by Nevara and the other servants.

The surviving Wardens awoke about two hours later as the sun had just finished going down. Velanna and Nathaniel brought them down to the dining room where a feast was served for them to celebrate. There were all different types of poultry and beef. Wines and fruits and vegetables decorated the table. I smiled as they came in; congratulating them on their strength as everyone sat and ate. The new Wardens were surprised at just how hungry they were and it caused a giggle to rise up in my throat. I lifted my fork and tapped it on my wine glass, causing everyone to look up.

"I'd just like to congratulate you on surviving your joining. Becoming a Grey Warden takes true strength and vigilance and you showed that tonight. The amulets around your neck are called a Warden's Oath. We all wear one around our neck to remember those who have died making the same sacrifice you did." I smiled and took a drink of a delectable grape Antivan wine. "Around your senior warden's necks is the blood of a young woman named Mhairi."

"Who is around your neck then?" Damien asked me. Damien was an older man, late twenties with long dark hair pulled back at the name of his neck and bright blue eyes.

"Well now I can finish telling you this story. I can tell you about my joining now." I took another sip of wine before continuing with my story I had started earlier.

**We gathered around the small altar in the ruined sanctuary. Alistair stood with Duncan as they mixed something together and Daveth and Jory were arguing about how it was wrong to keep the joining such a secret. They complained about being sent out into the wilds and being faced with grueling tasks. I kept quiet knowing that there was an obviously good reason for why the joining was kept such a secret.**

"**Come along." Duncan gestured to us to step up towards the altar. Daveth went first up in line. "We will speak but a few words before we start. They have been said since the first joining. Alistair if you would."**

"**Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you.*********" Alistair's voice was sullen and calm, his composure kept well. **

"**Daveth come forward." Duncan handed Daveth the cup of darkspawn blood and he took a sip of it. His eyes rolled back into his head and he coughed and seized before falling to the floor dead. Sir Jory backed up against the wall, eyes wide and full of fear. "Sir Jory, come forward."**

"**No. I won't do this. I have a wife and a family back in Highever. I won't do this, you can't make me!" Jory unsheathed his sword and held it out towards Duncan but his hands were shaky.**

"**I'm sorry, Sir Jory," Duncan whispered as he held out his dagger and stabbed Sir Jory in the stomach. He went down with a gurgle and his blood seeped out in a pool around him, his eyes wide open and still struck with fear. "Delenithra, come forward." **

**I nodded and took the cup from him, taking a large sip before swallowing. The blood of the darkspawn burned as it slid down my throat, coating the cartilage ridges. It coated my tonsils and I kept swallowing but it felt like it was eating away at my internal organs. The blood burned as it coursed through my veins, my heart raced and felt as if it would beat straight out of my chest. I clutched my chest, falling to the ground, barely able to catch myself with my one free arm. I felt my strength draining as my eyes rolled back and my body felt like it was on fire. I vomited up what I had eaten just hours before and kept gagging before falling down unconscious. **

**When I awoke, I was back in my tent with a blanket wrapped tightly around me. Around my neck was an amulet filled with a deep red liquid that give me a sense of evil and I felt the warning coasting through my veins. I sat up and exited the tent, seeing Alistair and Duncan sitting there waiting for me to wake up. Alistair turned and smiled at me and Duncan did the same, though the smile did not quite reach his eyes. **

"**I'm glad you're alright. I remember my joining. Brutal, am I right? Ah, but two died at yours and one only died at mine. That's what around your neck. It's called a Warden's Oath. We take the blood of those who have died making the same sacrifice that you have and put it in a vial so that you always remember that you were the strong one." Alistair pulled me into a hug.**

"**Yes, congratulations child, though we do not have time to waste. We must meet with the King immediately to discuss the plans for the upcoming battle." Duncan gestured for me to follow him and I did, leaving Alistair's smiling face behind at camp.**

"**Eamon just wants in on the glory, I promise you that." The young blonde king sat there discussing battle plans over a map with an older darker haired man named Loghain. "You must be the new Warden! Welcome aboard! We need all the wardens we can get."**

"**Your faith in the Wardens Cailan will be the death of you." Loghain scolded his father-in-law and his regent. **

"**Ignore him, he has no idea what he's talking about." Cailan reached out to shake my hand. "You play a very key role in our success tomorrow. I will be sending you and Alistair to the Tower of Ishal to light the beacon that will signal Loghain's men to charge."**

"**Of course, your majesty." I curtsied before being dismissed by Duncan to go find and give the news to Alistair.**

**Alistair was angry of course. Angry that he wasn't going to have in on the glory when the defeated the darkspawn at this battle. Duncan convinced him it was for the best and then he made some hilarious comment about never dancing the Remigold in a dress. He said that it was his way of making a stand. I laughed and he winked at me and my heart stopped for a brief second. Duncan told us the plan and by dusk we were on our way.**

**The tower was crawling with darkspawn. They were everywhere. The guards that were meant to light the beacon were dead; suspended from the ceilings or impaled on various pieces of wood. It was a hell house. There was blood everywhere and concentrating was hard when you had the constant pull of the taint in your blood. Being around darkspawn was a constant physical pain. It burned in your veins and you could feel the pressure pulling in the direction of where the darkspawn were located. I understood why the Grey Wardens didn't tell their recruits about the joining and what being a warden was like. It would frighten them away.**

**We reached the top of the tower and we had surely missed the signal. The ogre that was sent to guard the tower wasn't a hard target to bring down, not with Alistair and mine combined strengths. We took it down in no time and lit the beacon, even though we were surely late. As the battle surged on below us, darkspawn swarmed the tower, surrounding us and overpowering us. The last thing I remember was being shot with an arrow and it hitting my shoulder. I fell down and the pain had knocked me unconscious.**

**I awoke in the bed that I was positive wasn't mine and I was wearing nothing but my small clothes. I sat up quickly in embarrassment to see Morrigan tending to my wounds. She was smiling at me and bandaging up my torn shoulder.**

"**Ah, you're awake. Mother will be very pleased." Morrigan handed me my clothing and my bear pelt before leaving the room and letting me dress. "She'd like to see you when you're ready."**

**I dressed and made my way out of the hut where Alistair stood looking into the muddy pond. Next to him stood Morrigan's mother who patted him on the shoulder and pointed at me. Alistair turned and ran up to me, his eyes full of sadness and despair, and encased me in a tight hug. I felt a pain in my shoulder but ignored it, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tightly. "Thank the Maker, you're alive."**

"**Thanks to Morrigan's mother I am." I smiled at him as he released me.**

"**Don't speak of me as if I am not here." Morrigan's mothers' look was crossed and annoyed.**

"**We don't know your name. What would you like us to call you?" Alistair asked her apologetically.**

"**Names are pretty but unnecessary. I guess you can call me Flemeth." Flemeth smiled at us and a spark of surprise lit up in Alistair's eyes.**

"**The Flemeth? The Witch of the Wilds?" Alistair was shocked and shook his head to clear his mind. "I guess we should thank you."**

"**You should if you know what's good for you." Flemeth turned to me. "You should probably know what happened with the battle."**

"**Loghain abandoned them. King Cailan and Duncan…they're both…" Alistair's voice cracked. "Dead."**

"**How could he do such a thing?" My voice was full of rage. "Cailan and Duncan were good men."**

"**There is obviously some deeper meaning behind this, but for now you have to focus on the blight." Flemeth intervened in the conversation.**

"**You're right. If we stop the blight we can bring Loghain to justice. But how?" Alistair looked up at the sky and sighed in exasperation.**

"**The treaties! We can gather an army!" I blurted out.**

"**That sounds like a very smart idea. Those treaties obligate the Dalish, the Circle of Magi, and the dwarves of Orzammar to aid the Grey Wardens in the case of Blight. It would be a very intelligent choice to use those treaties." Flemeth looked over at Morrigan who was coming out of the hut.**

"**We should also go see Arl Eamon of Redcliffe. He raised me and he's a good man with a powerful pull on society. He could help us raise awareness about Loghain's treachery." Alistair was nodding his head.**

"**The stew is bubbling mother. Should we have two guests for dinner or none?" Morrigan looked to her mother who smirked.**

"**We will have none and you will be leaving with the wardens." Flemeth looked back towards us and smiled.**

"**Very well, I will…Wait. What?!" Morrigan groaned and looked at her mother in shock. "You can't be serious."**

"**You have been itching to get out of the wilds. Here's your chance." Flemeth chortled.**

"**Very well mother, let me gather my things." Morrigan cussed under her breath and left into the hut to gather her belongings.**

"**I don't mean to look a gift horse in the mouth but, do you really want to bring her along?" Alistair looked at me with a pleading look.**

"**She will be useful to us and we need all the help we can get," I assured Alistair with a calming tone.**

"**I'm ready. Remember mother that the stew is on the fire. I don't want to come home to a burnt down hut," Morrigan came out with a bag over her shoulder.**

"**I'm old but not incompetent, Morrigan!" Flemeth scolded her with a smirk.**

"**I know, I just…" Morrigan tried to rebut.**

"**I know my dear, please try to have fun." Flemeth dismissed us and left to enter her hut again.**

"**I have a few ideas for where we should go, but if you'd rather I be your silent guide, so be it." Morrigan looked towards me with annoyance.**

"**I have no problem with your presence if Alistair doesn't." I smiled at her and then glanced at Alistair.**

"**Well from the scowl he's giving me, I doubt he enjoys this, but I think we should head to Lothering first. We can stock up and rest there and figure out our next step." Morrigan pulled a map out of her bag and pointed to the location on the map.**

"And that's where we went. We headed to Lothering which is where we met the bard who wrote the Ballad of the Grey and your fellow Warden Sten," I smiled at them and raised my glass in the air. "I'd like to propose a toast to you all. Your sacrifice will protect us from future darkspawn threats. We know that there is another blight on our tails, but you will help to prevent it drastically. To the Wardens! You're one of us now, kids!"

After dinner we all went to bed and I prepared for tonight. We were attempting the ritual tonight when the moon was the highest in the sky. I dressed in a warm gown with a fur robe over it and grabbed my staff and altar knife. I left out the side door, trying to avoid the guards who would try to follow me. In the backyard I met up with Velanna, Anders and Nathaniel. Nathaniel was shaking for obvious reasons and I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug to comfort him, but more to comfort myself.

"Are you ready for this, Nathaniel?" I asked him, holding him at arm's length and he nodded. I pulled out the altar knife and held Velanna's hand. "With this knife I will use half of this man's life force to bring myself into the Fade." I took Nathaniel's hand and sliced the knife across his palm, the blood pouring out of the wound. I summoned the spell to bring myself into the Fade and felt the pull out of this world ripping my soul from my body.

I looked around at where I was. The sun was high in the sky and the grass was green, a river flowing through a break in the soil. Standing there gazing over at the creek was a young man. From the back he had the shape of Alistair's magnificent physique. I called out to him but he didn't move even an inch. I kept calling his name but his image got farther and farther away. I ran after him, my arms outstretched for his embrace.

"Alistair, please! Come back!" I fell to my knees, my arms still outstretched, tears pooling up in my lower eyelids. "It should've been me who died. Why would you do that?! Just come home!"

"Oh my, what have we here?" I looked behind me to see a desire demon standing there. Her clawed hands were rubbing her breasts, teasing her nipples. She was naked except for a few dark scales that covered the apex of her thighs. My eyes widened at the sight and I blinked repeatedly.

"I require your assistance." I kneeled down and bowed my head towards her.

"I already know what you want, my child." She lent down and placed her hand under my chin, lifting it so I looked up at her face.

"You do?" I was shaking, the nerves wracking through my body.

"You want him back." The desire demon smiled seductively at me, grazing her lips against my ear. "You will do anything to get him back." She licked my earlobe. "Will you do anything? I mean…anything?"

"Yes, I will. I swear." I was shaking. I shouldn't be doing this. I can't back out now.

"I want you to kill that female Warden of yours. I want you to let me possess her body." She licked her lips, teasing her nipples again. "Halena, yes her. Kill her and bring her to the grave of your loved one." I shouldn't do this. It isn't right. I'm already a maleficar. Will I kill her for this? No. I won't. "Will you do this?" No. No I won't. I will not kill an innocent woman for my own gain. "Well will you or not?!"

"I uh…" Just say no already! Say no! "Yes. I will."

To be continued….

Author's Note: And cliffhangers! Rate and Review! I love you guys! -Sydney


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: **__Hello my wonderful friends! I hope you're all having a wonderful time lately. This will be the third chapter of the installment Consequences of a Guilty Love. This chapter will contain derogatory terms from Oghren, which are pretty obvious when he's involved—mildly sexually explicit descriptions and flashbacks and language. This will be the last chapter that will have the rating T and chapter four will be up to a mature rating. I'd like to warn you now so that you don't get surprised when I start getting to the steamy stuff, which will start in this chapter... I know you've all been waiting for it. My friends who follow this story are kind of all really excited for Alistair/Delenie romance scenes! They will be coming soon! I love all of you! Have a wonderful day, night or afternoon; depending on when you're reading this. Rate and review! PM me if you'd like to appear as a future Warden! _

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters belong to Bioware, except for Delenithra and my storyline. Bioware owns some of the dialogue that is used; as shown by "_*****". _Enjoy!_

_Chapter Three: Where Did I Go Wrong?_

I can't believe I just did that. I said yes to murder an innocent person who just went through all this trouble to help aid us in the control and prevention of yet another Blight. All of this was done for my own personal gain. I wanted nothing more than to bring my one true love, Alistair Theirin, back into the world and back to me. My body sat shocked and I couldn't move. The demon beckoned me to come closer but I couldn't will my numb legs to move from where they were now. My brain continued to push me to contradict my previous statement and tell her no, that I had just not understood the question, but my heart beckoned me. It wanted me to feel whole again. It told me that the only way I would fulfill my job as Warden Commander is to bring him back and be happy.

"Come, my child. Let us pass out of the Fade and into the real world yet again." The desire demon, who with one hand grasped my wrist and the other hand was busy teasing her erect nipple, tugged me out towards a tear in the Veil; a tear that I had been the one to create. I was allowing demons of all kinds to pass into the real world and I was killing an innocent. My sanity had left me and every ounce of my body was tearing me different ways. It wanted me to agree but disagree and I didn't know which I was more capable of. The demon pushed my unwillingly moving body through the Veil and I crash landed on the floor next to a muddy casket.

My heart stopped. Engraved in the side of the coffin, in golden letters, was the name Alistair Theirin—King of Ferelden. I gripped the casket and buried my face into the mud and breathed in the still lingering scent of sylvan. The casket was carved out of the trunk of the Great Oak, the Ancient Sylvan that was possessed by a spirit of Riddles and playfulness. I traced my fingers along the fine engraved designs of trees and vines.

"Bring the child here, the one that I will become." The demon's seductive voice filled the crypt and I shivered standing up and composing myself. I nodded and turned towards Velanna who was the only one looking on without a worried look on their face.

"Velanna, fetch Halena. She will play a big role in this…ritual." I looked down at my hands and could already see the blood that would coat my hands in the next few minutes and it made me feel uneasy. I bent over with my head between my knees and tried to compose myself and control the hysteric sobs that were threatening to rip from my heaving chest. I glanced from the casket to the demon and to the door, where in the next few minutes, Velanna passed through with Halena in close follow. I pulled a dagger from my fur boot and took her hand, pulling her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry for this. Oh by the Creators, I can't believe I'm doing this; ma nuvenin, lethallan." I forced the dagger into her diaphragm and I heard the blood gurgle in her throat and fill her lungs. She aspirated before falling to the floor, the blood seeping out of her nose and her mouth. The blood from the body and the floor floated in the air like snowflakes and drifted over to the casket. I turned back and glanced at the demon who was smiling at me, walking over to the body, caressing its groin and breasts; inspecting its new host. The blood dropped on the casket and seeped through the wood and I stood back as the bright light shone from inside.

"It'll take a reasonable amount of time before the body registers it's new life force and starts to breathe and operate normally, but in time, the young man you so desperately yearn for will come too," The demon reached her hand into the throat of the newly passed on body and started to form into it. The body deformed and fit to the demons tastes; the breasts grew and the mouth pulled up into a seductive grin and it stood. The eyes of the demon shone behind the bright blue eyes of Halena and there was an aura of death behind the blank stares.

"Where will you go now that this is done?" I backed protectively up against the casket, stroking the delicate patterns yet again.

"I wish to stay with the Wardens for now, if that's alright. I have plans for this Queen Anora that I must work out first." The demon giggled and turned to leave the room, the candle light of the corridor not leaving a shadow in her wake. My eyes were wide, as were Velanna's. She looked at me and sighed, opening up the casket before turning away to give me a moment.

In the red velvet of the casket laid my love. His hair was drooping and his eyes were shut, his mouth pressed in a straight line. It looked so unlike him. He was dressed in his golden king armour that was now drenched with the life force of Halena's blood. I stroked his cold face and his blue lips before wrapping my arms around him in a long awaited embrace, but it wasn't right. There was no love, no life left in his dissipating body and it hurt. I didn't want to wait to see him alive; I wanted the young man in my arms now. I wanted to kiss his lips and experience everything I first experienced with him. I looked up as Velanna turned to go.

"Can you help me get him upstairs? I'd like to bathe him and get him into bed if that's alright with you. I want him to be comfortable and safe so that it doesn't come as much of a shock when he wakes up; whenever that is." I looked at her with pleading eyes and she said nothing. Velanna just stared blankly at me, obviously upset by what had happened, but nodded. I wrapped my arms around Alistair's upper body and she took his legs and then we set off up to the third floor of Vigils Keep.

Somehow we snuck past the guards and into my bedroom. Alistair was placed on the bed, his armour removed, leaving only his tunic and breeches. Velanna left me there and it took me four trips to fill up enough water to fill the tub which I heated with a simple spell. I looked over Alistair's vulnerable figure and I didn't feel right touching him and undressing him in the way that I was. I pulled the strings up his breeches before pulling them down and off, looking at him in his small clothes. His manhood created a large and noticeable bump, even though it was not erect, in the jock of his small clothes. I pulled his shirt over his head before taking a good look at the nearly undressed man lying on my bed. A few months ago I would have been ecstatic, jumping on his half naked body and wrapping him a passionate embrace of unclothed skin on skin contact with the added stroking of various body parts. This would have been a break from all the dangerous things we did, knowing that at any time of day I could die or he could die; who knew it would actually happen.

I took a deep breath and pulled his small clothes down, freeing his manhood from its hold. Though not conscious, Alistair was still fascinating and a work of art; a joy to look at. I blushed at the deep throbbing sensation that occurred in my groin and shook my head. I reached to lift Alistair and felt his chest rise and fall with the slow but steady intake and exhale of breath and I could hear his heartbeat racing, trying to get oxygen to all the cells that had gone so long unfed. I smiled and kissed his forehead before placing him in the hot bath. I took the halla soap and I scrubbed him free of blood and dirt that may have built up in that coffin. I washed his hair and his fingernails, rinsing it with a small clay pot that sat on the table. I took a deep breath and reached under the surface of the water, washing his groin completely and thoroughly. It brought back memories, the feeling of his pulsating manhood against my abdomen and the pulsating feeling that pooled in my lower midsection.

I shook my head trying to rid the feelings of desire that were racing in my veins. I couldn't look at Alistair's unconscious figure and think these thoughts; it just wasn't right. I hummed the same song I hummed earlier about love and death and love rebirthed and continued to wash his naked body. When I finished I rinsed the soap from his body, drained the water, and lifted his body up, putting him in my wool robe. I could see colour fill beneath the skin of his tanned skin and it brought a pain to my heart; a pleasurable pain. I placed his limp body on the bed and pulled the blankets up over him before I undressed and slipped into a silk nightgown. I debated whether or not I would climb into bed with him and there I decided against it. I pulled the plush velvet chair up next to the bed and curled up in it.

When I woke the next morning Alistair was stirring; the way he does when he has a nightmare. I told myself waking him up wasn't a good idea and I just sighed, leaving the room. Velanna was walking down the hall with her arm in Nathaniel's, steadying him as they walked down to the dining room. I ran up to them, pulling the two into a tight hug. Nathaniel wrapped his free arm around me and Velanna did the same. The upset look was gone from her face and I was relieved. I smiled before releasing them and sprinting to the kitchen. There sat my friends and the recruits and the smile left my face when I saw Halena; or the body of Halena. Her lips were pulled into a seductive smile and I groaned, sitting at the head of the table. Nevara ran out with a plate of sausage, eggs, cheese and bread.

"Nevara, may I have two? I have someone upstairs. Extra cheese too!" I spoke after her and she turned nervously and nodded. Everyone looked at me with confusion except for Anders. I pulled my plate up close to my chest and started to shovel in the food. I was exhausted after the amount of willpower I had used last night and I was also starving, but more than not I was eager to be back upstairs. After I ate everyone stopped watching. Another servant brought out the plate and I took it before sprinting back up to the third floor of the keep and into my room. Alistair was sitting up in the bed, looking at his hands and feet. "Alistair?"

"Delenie?!" He stood up from the bed, running to me, taking the platter placing it on the table, and then throwing his arms around my slender body, spinning me around in circles. "Oh Maker, you're here. I was so scared. The Archdemon died and I was so scared that I would never see you again. Where am I?"

I should tell him how he got here. He needs to know how he got out of the Fade. Tell him, Delenithra. Tell Alistair, the man you love and trust with everything, that you used blood magic to bring him back. He would be mad at first but he once told you that no matter what you did, he couldn't stay mad at for too long. He loves you, Delenie. Don't doubt it. Tell him. Dammit, Delenie, just tell him that you killed someone to bring him back! You murdered an innocent woman out of unjust desire. Oh Maker.

"You're at Vigils Keep in Amaranthine. She's the Warden Commander. You were unconscious for about two months after you killed the Archdemon. Delenie did everything possible to keep you alive. You had healers from all over coming to aid you and keep you alive. It was a very trying time for her," Nathaniel opened up the door and spoke before I could open my mouth and speak the truth. I looked at him and my face dropped, but Nathaniel smiled at me reassuringly. He walked over and placed his arm around my waist. "She is a very wonderful woman, Alistair."

"You are?" The hint of jealousy hit Alistair's voice, the way it did whenever I had spoken to Zevran. The worry hit his face and he looked down at me. "Delenie, who is this?"

"He's uh…well he's uh…" I couldn't speak. I was too shocked to get the words passed my tongue.

"I'm Nathaniel Howe, I'm one of the Wardens here at Vigils Keep," Nathaniel held his hand out to shake Alistair's and he obliged begrudgingly. "There is nothing going on between Delenie and I; that I can promise you. She has been one hundred percent faithful to you, never leaving your side."

"Well then, not wanting to make enemies with you, I'd appreciate you get your arm off of her and get out." Alistair glared and Nathaniel jumped back and scuttled out of the room. He slammed the door behind him and Alistair turned back to me. "Is everything he said true?" Tell him no, tell him the truth, Delenie.

"Yes, Alistair, it is." Andraste's tits, Delenie! What is wrong with you?! You're not only a maleficar now, you're a liar too!

"Oh Maker, you're still as beautiful as I remember." Alistair's voice cracked and his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight against his muscled chest. I buried my face in his shoulder and sobbed. The tears were happy but they were also full of regret. I knew this was wrong but I wanted him and I was selfish. I clung to the robe the clothed him and he stroked my long hair from root to tip. "Why do you cry, love?"

"I just I love you so much and two months is so long and we can finally be together without the blight looming over us and…" I looked up at him and wrapped my fingers in his hair, pulling his lips to mine. I kissed him passionately. My tears filled the kiss with salty desire and I clung with every ounce of my life force to him. I couldn't exist without him and I hadn't for the past two months. There had been no life left in me and now it all flooded through my veins like a flame in a forest. His arms closed around me even tighter and his breath was hot against the top of my head.

"I love you and I don't want to have to let you go, but I really need to use the bathroom." Alistair smiled sheepishly at me before pulling back. "My bladder is threatening more than the darkspawn ever did." I laughed and let him go, pointing to the connecting door from my bedroom to the powder room. He sprinted in there, shutting the door behind him.

I smiled before stretching and taking the platter of food and sitting on the bed. A few minutes later he came back into the room sighing with relief. He smiled at me, coming to sit next to me on the bed, taking the food from my lap and digging in. I laughed and lay down, wrapping the blankets around myself. When he finished he laid down next to me, slipping his arm under my head and pulling it against his chest. I could feel the heat that was radiating off his body and it was comforting, like it was all those months lying on the cold hard ground, surrounded by constant danger.

I don't know how long we sat there that way, him staring at the ceiling and I looking at the wall, but it was a long time. We stayed quiet and just held one another in that comforting way. I clung to him with a fear that he might be ripped away from me at any moment and I just couldn't let that happen. I sat up suddenly when it came to me; how would I explain this to the Wardens. I'd have to give the same explanation Nathaniel gave to Alistair. Unless Nathaniel and Velanna had already taken care of it in the long period of time I'd been lying here. I turned to look at Alistair, who was asleep, slowly inhaling and exhaling, and his sleep was calm—which was very unnatural for him. His feigned sleep was usually stricken by nightmares of the darkspawn as mine were every night. I trailed my fingers along his chest that was exposed by a crack in the robe and stroked the blonde patch of hair that covered his sternum.

I decided that it was time for me to get up and dress, preparing for my duties of the day. I crawled to the foot of the bed, careful not to wake Alistair and opened up the armoire. I pulled out my volcanic clamshell armour that had been bought for me by Nathaniel. Its pale pink colour was enhanced by golden and silver set emerald stones. I pulled my nightgown over my head, leaving me completely undressed and I flushed red. I turned to look at Alistair who was now rolled over on his stomach, his face pressed into the pillow. I pulled on my small clothes; undergarments and a breast-band, and then changed into my armour. I buckled the breastplate on and continued with the rest of it before slipping into my boots. I grabbed my staff, an upgrade from the staff I kept as a keeper, a newly enchanted carving out of an ancient sylvan with a silverite carving of Urthemiel, the Old God of Beauty and the previous blight's Archdemon, placed upon it, its eyes encrusted with rubies. I left the room and entered the powder room standing before the full wall mirror. I looked at myself, dressed in the armour I wore when I had slain the Mother. My long hair hung to my waist and I pulled it over my shoulder, braiding it and tying it with a white ribbon.

Checking to see Alistair was still asleep, I left the room and made my way to the courtyard where everyone was hard at work. The dwarves were continuing on with their rebuilding of the keep and the Wardens were sparring with their elder Wardens. It was a comforting sight to see everything normal; working in perfect order and I wasn't even commanding it. I stepped down the steps and down onto the stone path that led me to the sparring ring. I leaned over onto the railing of the fence and watched Misha and Damien sparring with their fists, but Damien had Misha down in a headlock and was sitting on his chest. I laughed quietly as Anders came and placed his hand on my shoulder reassuringly.

"Is he finally awake?" Anders' hot breath moistened my ear as he whispered secretively into it.

"Well he's asleep now, but he was awake. He had a really long day I guess you could say. It seems as though his energy isn't quite leveled out yet," I laid my hand on Anders' and squeezed it reassuringly, taking a deep breath.

"I would be happy to go and see him later tonight, as a mere check-up. I can tell your mind isn't at ease and I'd like to put it there," He pulled back and took a good look at me. I nodded and he stroked my cheek before turning and making his way back to the other healers. I held my breath and tried to compose myself before stepping up onto the nearest rock, knocking my staff against the ground to gather the attention of the Wardens and other members of Vigils Keep. Breathe, Delenie. You've made plenty of announcements before.

"Wardens and loyal members of Vigils Keep, I have an announcement to make. Two months ago after Alistair and I defeated the blight by killing the Archdemon, everyone thought Alistair to be dead. We preferred it that way because we didn't want there to be an uprising from those loyal to Anora if we told you he was still alive but in critical condition. For the past two months Alistair has been in the Warden crypt under constant watch of me and other mages, and this morning he awoke. Alistair is alive and…I can't do this. This isn't right, the truth is," I stepped down from the rock bowing my head. "Last night, your fellow senior Wardens and I went down into the crypt and…"

"Found him sitting up, screaming at the mages. It was quite a sight. He didn't like that he was lying there in his small clothes at all. All is well and he will join us for dinner tonight!" Nathaniel intervened and took my hand, pushing me behind him. He whispered in my ear. "Stop trying to do what's right for once. You got what you have wanted for two months; stop trying to get rid of him." It was more of a growl than a whisper and I shuddered at his tone. "Now go upstairs and be with your beloved. I don't want to hear you complaining any longer."

I looked at him and tried to speak but he looked at me with disappointment and I sighed, making my leave up to my room. I made it to my door before my legs gave out and I started crying. This just wasn't right and by the Creators it was unnatural. It was like Justice in Kristoff's decaying body; unnatural. I sobbed and I did it quietly, not wanting to alert anyone. The guards were outside the keep, doing their rounds on the arling. There I sat, on the floor in the hallway just outside of my door because I couldn't bear to face my love's beautiful and confused face. I was lying to him and I had never lied to him. My heart was being ripped out my chest and stomped on. Then eaten and digested and vomited back up onto the floor. I just had to look at it. He had given me his heart and soul on a silver platter, hoping that I wouldn't let him down and what was I doing; lying to him and letting him down in the worst way. My sobs turned into gut wrenching wails. After regaining control of my legs I stood and I ran. I ran downstairs and out the larder to the stable where I jumped on the nearest horse bareback and just let it take me wherever it pleased.

The roughness of the ride had lulled my wailing sobs into nothing but exhausted hiccups. My hands gripped the mane of the mare as it stopped in a grassy meadow to graze. I dismounted lazily and when my feet hit the grassy surface I fell right down onto my ass. My legs felt as though they didn't exist and I didn't even make an effort to sit back up. Instead I laid back; my eyes closed and soaked in the sunlight that beamed down into this meadow. I felt drowsy as I absorbed the vitamin D and I soon drifted off to sleep in a fit of feigned sleep and nightmares.

"**And here we lay our precious hero, the one who had saved us from the blight, his courage leaving us in safety and soon to be followed by peace," The Revered Mother spoke quietly as she overlooked the velvet casket Alistair paled body was lying in. Even in death, he still looked handsome with his arms crossed over his chest and his gold royal armour shimmering in the candlelight. In my hands I held a bouquet of roses, ones that I had picked from Redcliffe. Behind me stood Leliana, dressed in fine dark silks and Andraste's Grace held firmly in her grasp, with tears shimmering among her blushed cheeks. The men; Sten, Zevran and Oghren were dressed in dark finery with their heads bowed and their eyes closed. Then there was me; standing there in my deep black and midnight blue gown with a fur cloak over my shoulders; my long hair held high up on my head, I looked and felt perfectly composed. I cried no tears for my deceased beloved it nor had I cried for him in the few nights it's been since his death.**

"**Alistair Theirin was a wonderful young man. I raised him as a boy and I will never bring myself to stop regretting the day I had sent him to the Chantry. If not for this horrible tragedy I know that Alistair would have made a fine king," Arl Eamon stood over Alistair, placing a painting of him and the young boy on his the altar next to him, his voice cracking and his tears flowing over his eyes. Many people stood here tonight, many who didn't even know Alistair and some who had met him on our travels, were crying. There was the sound of hushed sobs everywhere. Husbands held their wives who sobbed and even shed a tear of their own. Leliana was embraced by Zevran and Oghren sat there covering his face, trying to hide the tears that were escaping. I had no one. I was all alone now. I was the last Warden in all of Ferelden and I was alone; no one to guide me and no one to be there when I felt like I was breaking.**

**After a few more people speaking of how they knew Alistair and their offerings, including my party members, it was Anora's turn to speak on the behalf of the one who tried to steal her throne. She looked well composed, dressed in her fine silks and velvets with a crown upon her blonde head. I had a sudden urge to rip out her heart and feed it to Arl Eamon but I held back, squeezing the stems of my roses tighter. Alistair's mother's amulet suddenly felt heavy around my neck and I felt the tears start to pool in my eyes and I blinked, trying my damnedest to hold them back.**

"**Alistair was a fool. He was not fit to rule the country and he knew it but he wanted to try. His fellow Warden had told him he could do it. She had helped him to compose himself before the Landsmeet and hadn't permitted him to kill my father himself. Though Alistair was a fool, he believed in himself, which is more than most of us can say. He did what he had to and he didn't complain about it. He had told me once that becoming a Warden was the best thing that could have ever happened to him. He told me that it gave him purpose and that it led him to his first, last and true love, Delenie." Anora looked down at Alistair and smiled. "In the end though, you can say it worked out for the best. He never was fit to rule. He gave us something we can never forget; our safety!" I cringed at her words and groaned. "Divine, if you will."**

"**Maker above, take this soul into your hands and know that he has done us a great service. He was once loyal to you and has been forever loyal too. If Andraste smiles down among us, give him a place at your side," The Revered Mother closed the casket and took the torch, readying herself to set it aflame. I couldn't will myself to tell her to stop; I had no voice. She took a deep breath before the sisters at the monastery started to sing the Chant of Light and bent her wrist, the torch an inch from the casket.**

"**Stop! Oh please, by the Creators, stop; don't burn him," I ran towards the casket, roses in hand and wrapped my arms around it. I shook my head and the tears finally poured out of my eyes. They came out in a stream, leaving dark stains on the sylvan wood of the casket. I clung to it with everything I had as Sten and Zevran tried to pull me off of it, whispering on about how I was doing nothing but embarrassing myself. "I don't care! I loved—love—him! I won't see you light him aflame like a piece of tinder in a campfire! He's the only thing I have left…" I sobbed and wailed. My heart was racing and I opened up the casket, placing the roses on Alistair's chest. "You jerk! How could you leave me all alone like this?" I slammed my fist down on the wood and yelled at him. "You don't understand how much I love you and how much this hurts! I just want to be there next to you in that casket where I'm meant to be! I'm a Grey Warden just as much as you are! It was my duty just as much as yours." I fell to my knees, my fingers gripping the edge of the altar. The candles cast a depressing shadow over the whole scene.**

"**You don't understand how hard this is, Alistair. How could you do this? You told me you loved me. I spent the night with you. I experienced everything with you and you just left me all alone. I had nothing left in this world and then I met you and everything changed. I loved you, dammit I trusted you! You promised me before the Landsmeet that you'd never leave me; that no matter what we would remain together because that's how it was supposed to be. We were going to do this together. Rebuild the Wardens and you'd be king and it would all be okay because we would be together," My voice was distorted by the wailing sobs that were ripping out of my throat. "Dammit, I hate how much I love you! I hate that you're gone! I hate that everyone here is crying and they don't even know you like I do! And most of all, I hate that you left me."**

"**Delenie, come on, bella, let's go. You're causing a scene." Zevran wrapped his slender, tattooed arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.**

"**I'd like to take his body to Amaranthine with me tomorrow. I want him to be placed in a proper tomb where we will put the rest of the Warden's remains," I looked over to Anora, hoping for the permission.**

"**Of course you can, my dear. We will send for First Enchanter Irving to place a spell on him that will stop his body from decaying," The Revered Mother intervened before Anora could object to my request.**

"**I can do that myself, Mother, but thank you for your generous offer." I wiped my tears on my sleeves and took a deep breath, looking to Sten who nodded, then commanded the Templar's to bring the casket back to the castle with us. As I walked I whispered a few chants in Dalish and with a bit of concentration I placed the glyph on Alistair's body that prevented the process of decaying. I curled into Zevran's embrace and tried to keep myself from crying breaking down again. I tried to walk, tried my damnedest to will my shaking limbs to carry me but they felt like gelatin. Zevran lifted me into his arms and I wrapped my arms around his neck, taking deep breaths to try and calm myself.**

I thrashed around on the grass before opening my eyes and seeing where I was. I was back in the Keep, lying on a bed in the healing ward. I thrashed and Sten placed his large hands on my shoulders to keep me down. He spoke calm words of his native language and tried to calm me. I kicked my legs and screamed.

"You monsters! You took him away from me! It was your selfish and needy human lives that we had to save! It cost me the only thing I've ever loved…" My voice wavered and again I broke into fits of sobs.

"Anders, can you cast a sleeping spell on her? She's going to hurt herself if she keeps thrashing like this," Sten looked sympathetically at me as Anders waved his staff and I felt my eyes start to close. "You'll feel better in the morning."

"Where did I go wrong, Anders?"

_**A/N: This chapter is so rushed but I had to get it out. Omg. K, I love you guys! Rate and Review!**_


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